The Word Was Made Flesh, And Dwelt Among Us...

Today is the day we celebrate Jesus' incarnation.
It sounds like a medical procedure if you say it with emough of theological affect.
I prefer to think about the commemoration of this event in a way similar to CS Lewis who described it as Jesus parachuting behind enemy lines to start the process of our eventual liberation.

Some great movies have been made about D-Day, and they all do a fantastic of job showing how even well-trained paratroopers got bewildered, lost, scared, and confused when they hit the ground deep inside enemy territory in the early morning hours of 06 June, 1944.
I think that both the French citizens and the German soldiers would have been equally surprised at their appearance, but what a different view each would have taken towards a heavily-laden young American soldier with his face blacked out and weapons protruding from everywhere.
The Frenchman knew that his occupation was at neaing the end, hopefully.
The German knew that the defenses along the Atlantic Wall were stout, but that there was not much to stop the allied forces if they made it past the beaches.

Is this Christmas, or saving Private Ryan?

It's both.
Jesus came into the world with a momentary flash of light, and was then whisked away to Egypt because Herod and Rome had plenty behind their initial defenses to finish off anyone who dared to incite a rebellion or lead anyone along a new way.

Jesus spent thirty years being a regular guy, by outward appearances. He certainly had friends and family and community to help him grow along the way into the man who would, in a way not unlike William Wallace in Braveheart, lead his people (us) to their ultimate victory.

The "Word made flesh," in you is what I recognize this Christmas.

I have pictures above of our parish, St. Thomas More, and a school, Decatur Presbyterian, where our three youngest have attended.

For over a month, members of each of those communities, and others as well, have brought food, flowers, beer, laughs, prayers, and joy to our home. The support we have enjoyed has been overwhelming, and I have really been hesitant to say too much about it for fear of embarrassing, favoring, or slighting someones' efforts.
We have had our kids driven around to school, practices, play-dates, and just "away."
We have had groups pay for house-cleaners, and women come to our house and do laundry. We had friends help decorate our house for Christmas, and communities from a synangouge to cloistered carmelite nuns, and a lot in between, offer prayers for us.

Most of the people who read this blog are the people I am addressing.
You did the heavy-lifting and shelled out the cash and made the meals.
You made time in your busy schedules to pick up or drop off kids and food.
You called, sent an email or a card, or asked how everything was going.
You made Christ present in the flesh by your charity and acts of faith and love.

I was the beleaguered and exhausted French peasant who looked up and saw the strong liberator coming to my aid.
I was the one who felt lost and alone and scared, and looked up and saw you loving my children for me.
I was the one whose knowledge proved to be of small value against the uncertainty and chaos that surrounded us these past six weeks, and you were the gentle deliverer who was there to prop me up.
You showed me Christ "in the flesh" in your flesh, and your smiles, and your kind words, and your generosity.

Our entire family has benefitted greatly from all of this, but none more than me.
You helped me end (mostly) my days of straining gnats and swallowing camels.

God bless you.
Merry Christmas!

We're Cleared For Takeoff

Cathy saw the surgeon yesterday who told her that she was doing fine. She still has some ligament and soft-tissue pain from the process, but he said her heart is ready to get down to some serious blood-pumping!
She will start a cardio-rehab program soon, and will begin to lift things gradually.
She still has a 30 lb. limit for another couple of weeks, but then, it's a matter of working through the discomfort to get her body built back up.
She said something about calling Roger Clemens and Barry Bonds for "a little help" to bulk up....hmmmm.

I have learned some fascinating things about health care costs and insurance benefits and stuff that I will share soon.

I have really appreciated the many kind words about what I write here.
I really enjoy writing, and I'm glad that some of you enjoy my style, or lack thereof.

I will probably continue to post things here, although I don't plan on a lot of specific updates on Cathy.

Oh, I'll mention when she completes her first marathon and stuff like that, but I hope that "She's doing great!" will be a true, standard response to the question of how she's doing.

So, I'm giving everybody fair warning that I am about to hijack this blog and use it for my own ends, which will likely be an irritant to some, and likely of no interest at all to others.

I am just assuming, of course, that people have a lot of interest in my thoughts on different things.
I am also fairly certain that I am entertaining a delusion in this assumption, but I'll not let that stop me.

For example:

Next post I'll explain why I'm going to encourage the kids to eschew college and find a good trade to practice so that they can support Cathy and me in our old age.

And speaking of old age, one of us is now 41 years old. The other won't be 41 until sometime next year...

Lest there be any doubt that I'm going to Hell...

She's Two

Lucy turned two years-old today.
Cathy got some information about starting cardiac rehab soon.
I'm practicing my own rehab, "My name is Chris, and I'm ...."

Cathy had her Cuamadin level checked today, and it is getting near where it needs to be.

My mom's birthday was yesterday, and guess what great son remembered to call her and wish her well?
I'm hoping it was at least one of my brothers, because it wasn't me.
Cathy's not to blame as she reminded me, but I let it get too late.
I'm calling her the second I'm done with this!

Cathy's birthday is in six days, and then Jesus' is shortly after that. Can I get a break from the birthdays?

We're having a joint birthday this Saturday at our house where we will throw all of the December birthday people (except Jesus) into the mix and have one big cake, and get back to our lives.

Here are some of the best things you don't know about yet, but for which you will thank me:

1. Colin Hay's music--he is the lead singer from the 80s group, Men at Work, and his new accoustic songs are the exact opposite of everything I wrote about Kristofferson yesterday. It's good to have balance. I recommend "Beautiful World, Waiting for My Real Life to Begin, My Brilliant Feet, and the accoustic version of Overkill, which was an electric hit for Men at Work in the 1980s.

2. It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia (TV show)--it's terribly irreverent, but very, very funny. You will not be proud of yourself for laughing at it, but laugh you will. It's basically Seinfeld for the new millenium without a lot of the euphamisms. It's on a cable channel, and since we don't have cable, I bought the first two seasons on dvd.

3. Frederick Buechner's writings--he is an ordained Presbyterian minister who has written fiction and non-fiction books about Christianity (an excerpt, "True history has to do with the saving and losing of souls, and both of these are apt to take place when most people-including the one whose soul is at stake-are looking the other way.") If I could meet any living author today, it would be Frederick Buechner.

But, enough of me telling you what to do.

Breakfast Food--Harvey Style!

I'm really not a "foodie."
You know what I mean. Someone who enjoys gourmet fare and complex taste combinations, and call tell the difference in a bottle of wine by some standard of measurement other than a receipt.

I have pretty simple tastes.
My favorite flavor is "a lot."

Recently, we got a delivery of "breakfast foods" (homemade muffins and coffee cake...and a twelve pack of Sam Adams Beer.)
It brought to mind the lyrics from the Kris Kristofferson classic, "Sunday Mornin' Comin' Down,"

"Well I woke up Sunday mornin; with no way to hold my head that didn't hurt,
and the beer I had for breakfast wasn't bad, so I had one more for dessert."

The fact that Kris Kristofferson is a forgotten name in the American Music Scene is a prima facia indictment of our musical artistic decay.

The bandwagon for Johnny Cash only really started when he was on his deathbed, and wasn't threatening the Industry with his values (the values other than Percocet and Methamphetamine addiction, I mean!) I was secretly hoping that Kristofferson would be caught in the Cash momentum. It's sad that most people think of him primarily as an actor.

If you ever begin to feel too good about your lot in life, get too giddy thinking happy thoughts, and ever become concerned that you are too joyful and optimistic, grab any Kris Kristofferson cd, pick a song at random, dim the lights, and get a drink.
Problem solved.

Five cents, please.

Cathy is still doing well, in case you're wondering.

Someone Has Been Paying Attention

After the post about the Meatloaf, I was ready for anything.
I'm glad that everyone took it I intended, which was lightly and gratefully.

I was unpacking and preparing a subsequent meal, and noticed that there were brief instructions on each dish ("heat at 350 for 60 minutes, microwave 4 minutes, etc.")

The donor attached the note (pictured above) to the salad.

"Salad. Use your best judgment," it read.

I laughed heartily, and more than once.

Cathy had a good appointment with her primary doctor today.
He was the one to first identify this problem several years ago, and he said she looks good.

How to Win Your First Argument After Your Wife Has Heart Surgery

That's me on the left.

On the odd chance that you will have a spouse who has heart surgery, you might want to file this away.

Arguments are inevitable in any marriage, but one must be careful in arguing for the first time after heart surgery.
It can be tricky.
You can still "win" them, just like you did before surgery, when you felt good about having made your points logically, clearly, and righteously. You showed her!

You can still recapture that glorious post-argument feeling where you realize what a jerk you were, and how bad you made her feel, even though you were right, and you "won."

Here's how to recapture that magic. Post heart surgery.

Follow My 10 Tips, and you can't go wrong, and remember that they are listed in order of use:

1. Forget how worried you were when she was going in to surgery, and forget how you told God that you would take her place if you could.
2. Forget how relieved you felt when the surgeon walked in and told you that everything went fine, and how you really exhaled for the first time since about four hours earlier.
3. Forget how terrified you were when she had those two episodes in front of you in the ICU, and how, as you went down to get the CT scans of her brain, you were sure that things were going to turn out badly.
4. Forget how much all of this put things like jobs and money and neatness and order into perspective in those first few hard hours.
5. Forget how much everyone else has done for your family and you personally.
6. Forget how thankful you were that you had a good job, with good insurance, lived a mile from the hospital where it all took place, which happens to be the best place in the region to do the surgery, and that you somehow got the top cardiac surgeon on the entire staff to do your wife's surgery. Forget all of that. You must if this is going to work.

You then shift from forgetting to remembering.

7. Remember all of the little things you have had to do in the last four weeks that your wife did before the surgery, that you just assumed happened all by themselves. On the other hand, remember to forget that you never thanked her for doing them either.
8. Remember all of the personal sacrifices you have made in the last four weeks. Don't just remember, but dwell on them, and how unfair it all seems. (Important! If you haven't done a good job on step #6, you will not be able to do this very well.)
9.Let all of this stuff just brew and fester for days. It's all about forgetting and remembering the right things, at the right times, and to the right degree.

Now, this last step is one of the most important of all, and coincidentally, it works just as well if your wife hasn't just had heart surgery.

10. Pick out something really important on which to make your stand! Don't waste your energy on unimportant issues. Make sure you pick something serious. I recommend getting all bent out of shape about the rearranging of the living room to accomodate the Christmas Tree, and the temporary mess that comes out of your ten year-old daughter trying to help your wife. That's the kind of thing no real man should let pass, uncommented on and uncriticized.

So there you have it.

I'm glad I could help.

Oh, lastly, make sure you're right before you begin the argument, otherwise your rage and vehemence will not only be wasted, but you'll look like the fool you are, and will have to think of some creative way to apologize and not look like an asshole.
And that's hard to do.

From This to This...

I had been feeling sort of low lately. It was a combination of emotional, physical, and mental fatigue that had acculumalated over the last four weeks. I can only imagine what a state I would have been in without the help of so many good and kind family and friends...
So, a friend call me and offered to take me to The Angel, an English Pub-style bar in downtown Decatur.
This friend is also good mentor.
He is a bit older than me, doesn't work in government, and has a family that has faced similarly scary medical problems in the last couple of years. We are personally unalike in a lot of ways too, but we share similar core values. We have great conversations in which we speak freely and we laugh a lot.
He notices when I speak casually of dead bodies and mayhem. The fact that he notices makes me notice that I DON'T notice much at all, and reminds me to be human. Humans notice and are affected by dead bodies.

So, we met at the bar, and coincidentally, the bar was the scene of the retirement party of a man who had been my Lieutenant when I worked in Homicide at DeKalb Police. The party was in the back, and we sat at a table up front. I got to see several former colleagues as they left, providing me good opportunities to tell some of my old war stories. It also had the ego boost of me seeming like some kind of big-shot as a steady stream of guys and gals walked by, recognized me, and stopped to say "Hi."
So, we spent a good couple of hours talking, laughing, and learning from each other.
I left with a spring in my step, and a load off my mind.

Being an amatuer neurotic, I can easily trap myself in my own thoughts, and this was a great opportunity to release a lot of tension and gain some perspective.
I shall never underestimate the value of just sitting a sharing your thoughts and time with someone. Until something else attaches itself to my mind and must be dislodged with a strong draft and an open ear.

Thanks, buddy!

P.S.
Cathy (I sort of feel obligated to include her in all of this) saw her cardiologist for the the first time since she got her new valve, and everything seems to be working pretty well.
She goes to see the surgeon next week to get the release from him to start some kind of rehab program, and to find out when she will be able to do simple things like pick up Lucy again.

The earlier she gets into a rehab program, the longer it will delay my entry into a different kind of rehab program!

Funny Thoughts About Food and Some Old Friends

I have what I think is a funny story about food and people.
Firstly, I have intentionally avoided mentioning much about food for fear of leaving someone out of the thanks. It has all been wonderful, plentiful, and delicious.
And, I have learned that no matter how completley prepared a meal is, I can turn the kitchen into a wreck within three minutes of the food breaking the plane of our front door.
If the donor brought the food in, set the table, and served it to me, without leaving my seat, I'd have six dirty bowls and about four spoons in the sink before I took the first bite. I don't know how I do it...
That being said, you have no idea how much less stress I suffer knowing that when I get home, I can serve up what is is so generously brought to our door, and have only myself to blame for the messes I make.

We have been SO blessed with great food by everyone, and this story isn't really about the food, and the subjects are not on the calendar, so their identity will be kept secret from most people.

But, if you know the person I'm writing about, you will not have the least amount of trouble laughing along.
My parents' closest friends as I grew up were a couple that my parents met in graduate school in Philadelphia. They have a son my age, and son the same age as my younger brother, and their kids were some of our best friends growing up. We have home movies of us playing together when we were a year or two old, and we spent many Summer Vacations together jammed into our beach house in Charleston, SC. My parents' friends were the kind of adults that had the "full faith and credit clause" in their relationship with my parents, meaning that if they thought you needed to be brought to heel, they had the full range of armaments on the table, with an implicit understanding that they could use whatever means necessary to have get the job done.
I spent days and days at their house throughout high school, and even travelled to Russia and Europe with their family in the early 1980s. Their travel itineraries were the stuff of legend in terms of comprehensiveness and detail.
If "Mr. and Mrs. E" had planned Napoleon's trip to Moscow, Vladimir Putin would currently be wearing a beret!

Mrs. "E" (to keep her identity secret) was/is a self-driven perfectionist, and a fantastically generous person, as is her husband and their two sons. She even makes her own (delicious) pimiento cheese spread. She does not suffer fools gladly. You want her on your side in an argument, if you have any sense.

I have used "Mr. and Mrs. E" as character references on just about every job application I have ever completed.

"Mrs. E" made us a dinner for Cathy's recovery.
It was a homemade meatloaf, a bag of green beans, mac and cheese, and some chocolate-chip cookies. It was all fully cooked, but frozen for us to use at our leisure.

The image posted at the top of this post is a full 8 1/2 x 11 page of handwritten instructions for me to make sure that I could heat up everything. Properly.
Included, on the pan which held the meatloaf, was a post-it note indicating "IMPORTANT, this side up!"
Did I mention it was a meatloaf in a standard meatloaf pan?
Was I that unimpressive as a teenager?
I mean, look at all that underlining!!!

Did I mention that the meal was scrumptious?
Thank you, "Mr. and Mrs. E."
We really appreciate the great food and good thoughts.

According to "MR. E" the leftover meatloaf is best when eaten as a sandwich on white bread with mayonaise, cold.
We'll see, but there's barely enough left for a sandwich.

Cathy is still improving, but it seems that after about every third or fourth day, she gets beaten back down a little bit. It's hard to believe that all of this just started three weeks ago. Still, three or four steps forward for a little step backwards is pretty good progress.

This is What We're Up to Now

Cathy is still doing great!
She's doing some more walking, and moaning much, much less.
She spends her days recovering, reading, and watching movies while taking pills that make everything OK.

Lucy doesn't seem to know if she is visiting our house and living with the Jones' or vice-versa.
Fortunately, for her, I don't think she really cares either way.

Hannah is determined to make me teach her how to play Chess, which is great except that she couldn't have picked a worse teacher, except maybe...nope. Not gonna do it.
I have never beaten anybody, even a weak computer set on "idiot," in a game of Chess.

Jude has taken on a much more "older brother" attitude towards Will, and I regularly hear Jude explaining things to Will very logically and clearly, and over-and-over again. I fear that Jude has a mind similar to mine, which is ok, but clearly is not intended for regular, prolonged use. It apparently has a useful life of about 39 years. I'm on borrowed time.

Will always wants to be the anti-hero of every movie we see.
He wants to be Sauran and Vader.
I'm afraid to let him watch WWII movies for fear he will be goose-stepping down Mockingbird Lane.

I'm happy to still be hanging on to the handlebars at this point.

Here are some things I've learned:
1. The biggest project at work will need most of your attention right when you have it most diverted elsewhere.
2. One of my most important tasks in life is teaching Lucy (2) that her "No!" means NOTHING TO ME!
3. If you don't start reading The Brothers Karamazov, you'll never finish reading The Brothers Karamazov.
4. People are far more generous than I have given them credit for.
5. Let people help.
6. I don't know at what point in Cathy's recovery it will be safe for me to return to my old, self-righteous, opinionated, selfish, worrisome self. Maybe never.
7. It's all about these little souls that wait for me at the end of a long day, and the beginning what have turned into not short nights.
8. This is more fun, and more work than I expected.

And yes, Cathy is still doing great!

Thanks to everyone for everything so far!

I'm Pretty Sure I'm Going to Hell...

Would it be wrong of me to get Cathy a Medic Alert Bracelet indicating her heart valve, and call it "jewelry" for her birthday present?

Yeah, I thought so too...I was JUST KIDDING!

But I'm afraid I'm going to Hell anyway just for thinking it was funny in the first place.

Miserere!

What's next?

First of all, many, many thanks to all for your thoughts, prayers, words of encouragement, food, movies, etc.

Cathy is mostly mobile now in the sense that she's vertical about 30% of the time, and can move around freely (except for the searing pain of her sternum fusing back together.)


A lot of people are asking how they can help. Our friend and neighbor Tricia Dusseault is going to be starting a schedule for friends (and friendly strangers) to visit maybe once a day for a few weeks while Cathy slowly returns to the surreal world that is our home.

The older kids will be in school from 8-3, and the two younger ones will be spending morning and afternoons (when not at Decatur Presbyterian) with the Blessed Jones Family until I fetch them each night after work.

The details on how this visiting with Cathy will work aren't completely set, but as soon as there is a mechanism for signing up, I'll let everyone know how to do it.

I see these visits mostly happening mid-late morning, and maybe involve carrying something for her or some simple household task that I am too clueless to notice needs doing (you really have to wash blue jeans more than a few times a year???)

So, Cathy should start getting some quiet time to continue healing soon. You can call her anytime, or email her at cathyharveymom@bellsouth.net

Amazing Grace, and The Wretch she saved...

Cathy's sister, Grace left late yesterday afternoon after spending a week running our household.
She sacrificed Thanksgiving with her family (she has twin ten year-old boys) to be with ours.

I imagine she had several thoughts running through her head as she sped north back to Greenville:
1. Do those people just grow laundry everynight?
2. Chris sure does make that shhhhing sounds a lot...
3. I knew exactly what I was doing looking at him askance that first day he mistook me for Cathy. I didn't know it at the time, but he seemed a bit odd, and now, after a week under the same roof, my earliest instincts about him have finally been justified.

Grace deserves a lot of credit for putting up with all of us so charitably.
I can be a little idiosyncratic and rigid, which, when combined with my mania for consistency, and my need for control when stressed can make me a combination of Himmler and Sam Kinison on a caffeine high after having spilled coffee in my lap.

Grace has earned several more stars in her crown.

Cathy took her first outside walk with us yesterday. We walked to the Westchester playground and sat in the cilly wind while the kids played on the playground. It's a mostly level walk, but the way back was slightly uphill.
Slightly uphill is my characterization.
Have you ever seen video of people near the top of Mount Everest where they take a step, pause, breathe about three breaths and then take another step?
It wasn't quite that bad, and Cathy made it all the way back like a champ.
She getting better and stronger every day in every way.

Oops...

I didn't realize that when I sent out most of the invitations for people to share the blog, I was using my Bellsouth email account.
I just checked that account (which I usually do not use in favor of my .Mac account,) but I checked it after my aunt said she had emailed me something, and I hadn't gotten it, and saw that I had about 60 messages waiting for me from as far back as two or three weeks ago.
I haven't even had a chance to read them yet, so I am posting my public apology for any apparent lack of response to any of your emails.
On the bright side, I now have a bunch of new messages from people I haven't read yet, and as I scanned the senders, I saw some of my favorite names.

For the record, my primary email account is wcharvey@mac.com but I will now be more diligent about checking wcharvey@bellsouth.net

Thankful? You Betcha!

This is us on top of Stone Mountain in April of this year. How Cathy was able to climb to the top with a leaking ticker is beyond me, except that maybe since we didn't know that the situation was as bad as it turned out to be.
It's not exactly the top of the world
But it's close
For us
Today.

What we're thankful for:
Dr. Robert Guyton and the entire staff at Emory Hospital for taking such good care of Cathy;
The love, prayers, and support of all of our families;
The blessings of our four little souls to nourish, raise, and love;
The material gifts God has blessed us with;
The gift of a new day, and the opportunity to enjoy everything above for another day;
The hope that we will be observant, obedient, and humble enough to repeat this litany every day forward.

Pax

She's Truckin'

Cathy keeps getting stronger (incrementally) every day.
Today, when I got home from work, she was walking around upstairs.
She also had her first visit to get her Cuamadin level of her blood checked, and she's right on track with that too.

I'm looking forward to a few days off, and by "off" I mean simply not shaving, but not doing any less work!

Mother and Child Reunion

Cathy came home today, almost a week to the hour that she left the Operating Room.

She had seen all of the kids prior to today except for Lucy, who we kept away knowing that she would not understand seeing her Mommy.

There wasn't a dry eye in the house.

Deo Gratis!


And I still can't rotate pictures on this damn thing!

Some parting wisdom from a previous generation...

I just can't believe it's so,
and though it seems strange to say
I never been laid so low
In such a mysterious way
And the course of a lifetime runs
Over and over again

But I would not give you false hope
On this strange and mournful day
When the mother and child reu-nion
Is only a motion away,
Oh, oh the mother and child reunion
Is only a motion away
Oh the mother and child reu-nion
Is only a moment away

Words & music by Paul Simon

Still not home...

We were expecting cathy to be home Sunday, but the doctors are still tinkering with her medications so that her blood has the viscosity of Pennzoil Synthetic 30W oil.
With the mechanical valve, they have to make sure that there is no clotting, and so medication, and patience, is needed.

I took Hannah and Jude to see Cathy, and we brought her a sandwich from "Dave's Cosmic Subs" which is across and just down the street from "Everybody's Pizza," practically on the Emory Campus. These are the best sandwiches we've found around here in a long time.

So, we linger around home, and let Aunt Grace lead trips to the playground and clean up the kitchen again after I clean it up the first time. We eat delicious food provided by loving and gracious friends, and we wait.

We are watching The Lord of the Rings Trilogy, and I'm hoping the boys will allow it to join Star Wars as one of their paradigmatic movies.

We miss Cathy and mom, but know that the doctors know best.

A Surprise Kindness

I first met Ron when I was in the DeKalb County Police Academy in the Winter of 1994. It happened that we lived nearby each other, and we started carpooling for the 30 minute ride out and back to Lithinia for the 22 weeks that it took to get through a fairly rigorous training process.

Ron and I are very different people. Ron is a former Marine Embassy Guard who was/is physically invincible. I never saw the guy get worn out even though we went through some very punishing physical training.

There was a tradition (I think it's (unwisely) not practiced any more) called "Fight Day." It was a day where we were run-around, and exhausted for hours, and then told to don boxing gloves and headgear to show how hard it was to engage in hand-to-hand combat when otherwise exhausted.

Ron and I ended up fighting, and as I had taken karate for a couple of years, I thought I would be able to hold my own.
He was like the Tasmanian Devil from Looney Tunes, and he beat the crap out of me. There wasn't any malice. It was all business, and we both knew it.
To my credit, I took it all and didn't go down, but it was pretty ugly on my part. I think there's a video of the fight somewhere, but I'd just as soon not see it again.

Ron and I have stayed in touch in the years after I moved on from the Police Department, and Ron became a Federal Air Marshall after 9/11. He now flies all over the world, meet world leaders, protects dignitaries, and waits for a terrorist to act up on an airplane, so he can shoot them in the head.
And trust me, if you are a passenger on that plane, you want someone like Ron to handle the situation.

So how does all this tie in to Cathy and her status?
Ron now lives in Chicago, but we talk every week or so, and I told him about Cathy. Ron has kept in touch all week to check out her status, and told me to call his parents, who live near my parents, if we needed any help.
I thanked him, of course, and told him that, for right now, we had everything covered.

Friday afternoon, Ron's Mom and Dad, who had never met Cathy, showed up at the hospital with flowers and a book, and plenty of good cheer.
Ron comes from good stock, and we are blessed to have him on our side.

Thanks Mr. and Mrs. Otero for offering your time, kindness, and prayers for us!

Special "Guest Cathy" This Week

Cathy is on the verge of coming home!
It could be as soon as today (Saturday) but almost certainly by or before Monday.
Her heart is doing great, but as her sternum fuses back together, and the muscle, tissue, and bones get re-aquainted, there is some pain.

I have retrieved the kids from the wonderful Jones Family. We could not have done any better than their family to nourish, love, and support out children this week. Kathleen and Patrick were great, but their kids also deserve a lot of credit for sharing their rooms, toys, and mom and dad with ours.
We will never be able to thank them enough!

Since Cathy will be unable to do much of anything for 3-4 weeks, Cathy's twin-sister, Grace, is coming for Thanksgiving Week to play the role of Cathy in our home. Grace is giving up Thanksgiving with her family (she and her husband have twin ten year-old boys in Greenville, SC) to be with us and help out.
So, if you see a "Cathy" that looks extra perky and fit around the house or at school, it will be Grace.
I have added an off-topic story about the first time I met Grace at the end of this post. It had a wacky Patty Duke, Hayley Mills feel to it.

We have started receiving meals at our home. I will leave a large cooler on the porch in case you are one of the many who are helping with food.

Meeting Grace For the First Time

I met Cathy for the first time July 14, 1992. She was working in a store in the Market area of Charleston, and I was looking for a satchel bag, as I was getting ready to start teaching that Fall. I won't go into all the details of that meeting except to say that as I had left the seminary a couple of months before, and because I was pretty hopeless with the opposite gender way before I ever went into the seminary, it was a miracle that she agreed to go out on a date the upcoming weekend. I was smitten with Cathy after that first meeting, but she was wise enough to be a little skeptical about me.
It was either the next day or two days later that I was walking out of another store on King Street in Charleston (the main commerical street in downtown Charleston.)
I literally just walked out of a store and turned to go north, when a young woman walked south right towards me.
It took a second or two as she approached me, but I thought I had seen her before, and just as she got to me, I realized that I thought she looked a lot like the girl who had agreed to go out with me from the previous day. I blurted out "Hi," and she looked at me with a mix of surprise and confusion as if she had never seen me before (Cathy and I had about a 30 minute conversation the day we met, so I sort of expected a hint of recognition.) I think about all I got was a look of confusion and a step to the right as she continued on her way.
In my defense, Cathy didn't mention that she had a twin sister that worked in a shop on King Street when we first met (why would she, especially if she was (wisely) trying to cover her trail should I turn out to be some kind of psychopath?)

So, I was left to ruminate on 1.) whether I just didn't get a good enough look at Cathy the first time and this woman I passed was not Cathy; 2.) I really didn't make much of an impression in our first meeting; 3.) I did make a real impression, but it wasn't as good as I thought; 4.) all of the above.
What I didn't consider was that the facts were varied combinations of all of the above.

When Cathy and I spoke later that week to set up out first date, I casually asked her if she had been working on the day in question, and she said she had been (her shop was a good distance from where I had encountered the mystery woman, and Cathy couldn't really leave her shop unattended,) so I mentioned seeing someone who I thought looked like her on the day at the time in question, and that the woman had pretty much looked at me like I was crazy.
It was then she mentioned that she had a twin sister who worked at a store on King Street, and the woman I saw was probably Grace.

So, that was my first time meeting Grace.

For the record, they are not identical twins, and they looked a lot more alike than they do now.

Several Giant Steps For Cathy

I planned on posting more yesterday, but I got tied up with all of the sitting around and waiting at the hospital.
Cathy took a walk yesterday morning up and down the hallway, and is generally feeling better every day.
They took out the last of the drainage tubes, which wasn't pleasant, but that was the last of the "stuff" that she had inserted anywhere.
She keeps her Percocet updated regularly, and that helps manage the pain.

I got to go see Will (4) in his Thanksgiving Celebration at Decatur Presbyterian.
[The Decatur Presbyterian Community, has been wonderful to us in helping with the younger kids, and we have been happy to have our kids go there before they go to St. Thomas More for their elementary schooling.]

Will was very happy to see me, but not very happy not to be going home with me. He is probably having the hardest time of all the kids. He is old enough to know that he misses his mom, but can't really grasp the "it's just for a few days" concept.
He reported the other day the "My fingers are tired from counting the days..."

Cathy might be coming home this weekend, but as I write this, I'm not sure. The original estimate was Monday, but she seems to be exceeding all expectations.

I want to thank everyone for the calls, messages, emails, cards, flowers, and concerns that have gotten to us. We have gotten them all, but just haven't had a chance to do much direct responding.

Most people have asked how they can help.
Most of our need for help will happen when Cathy gets home and in the weeks after that, so we will post our needs here and contact people directly as they come up.

Thanks again for all of your prayers and support.

I.C.U No More

Cathy is in a regular room as of early Wednesday Morning.
She is tired, but still getting stronger and starting to walk around a little bit.

She is in room B476, and can have visitors, but she tires very easily, so please keep that in mind.

Fr. Neil came from St. Thomas More yesterday, and Msgr. Paul came today, so we are being well-ministered to...

I'll post another update in the morning.

I'm not sayin' I'm just sayin'...

First of all, it's all good news from the hospital.
Cathy is getting stronger by the hour, and although we are just a little beyond the 36 hour mark, things probably could not be much better.

Remember those "siezures" I referenced before? Yeah those ones. The ones that I have been misspelling for days.
Well, the Neurologist has determined that Cathy did NOT have a seizure, and that her CT scans were normal. They are calling it a "spell" or "an episode," probably related to her coming out of the anesthesia.

Now, I never went to "medical school," but I know what I saw was grade-A, Linda Blair, eyeball-rolling, head spinning (ok, no head spinning,) body-shaking something!
Were it anyone with a whiff of sanctity about them, I might bet a demon was expelled, but since it was just me, I'm thinking no. I'm just glad they are done, and that Cathy is feeling better.

Cathy was sitting up, talking, and eating (a little) food, and she had gotten out of bed earlier that day and sat in a chair.
She will likely be moved out of ICU Wednesday, and will likely double my sleep hours for the week tonight.
I'll let people know about visiting and room numbers and stuff as soon as I know it.

***Editorial Warning That I'm Getting On My Soapbox, but not for too long****

If you ever want to feel really blessed, spend 48 hours in a Cardiac Care Unit Waiting Room, and find someone there to compare problems with.
If you ever want to feel like the most blessed person on the face of the earth, go to a Pediatric Hospital and try the same thing.

Please remember to pray for all people battling illness and the professionals serving them.

Cathy and I will never be able to express the thanks we feel for the prayers of everyone who been with us through this so far. We still have a long way to go, but I wouldn't trade places with any of the other families that have been sharing the ICU Waiting Rooms with me. So pray for them too.

More updates tomorrow...

One Tough Mother!

Ahhhhh, three hours of refreshing tossing and turning for me, and it's back into the fray.
I'm hoping for Cathy to be up and fully conscious when I get over there in a little while...my coffee is still working its way through my veins...and I won't be able to see her until around 7 or 8, so I get to vent some of my anxiety.

It's still too early for her to have visitors, but the conventional wisdom is that she might be able to leave ICU later today or sometime tomorrow (she's bringing the average age of ICU patients down by about thirty years.)
She is in the 5th floor ICU, and I will be camped out in one of the ICU waiting rooms on the 5th floor.

Cathy had two fairly mild (they tell me) siezures yesterday afternoon, but doesn't seem the worse for them (those were the unexpected, but not terribly unusual, events I mentioned yesterday.) I was able to talk with her after each of them, and she said she remembered them. The doctors did a CT scan and didn't see anything that caused a lot of concern (for them!)
Cathy didn't seem to have any lasting damage from the experiences.
I was in the room for both of them, and I can't say the same for me.
Utterly. Terrifying.


I spoke to Kathleen Jones last night and she told me that Cathy had wrapped presents for the kids to have waiting for them when they got home from school so that they would get a little morale boost.
Hearing that reminded me a couple of things:
1. Cathy is one of the most giving, compassionate people on the planet;
2. I married waaaay above myself!

I have gotten emails and calls from friends, family, former bosses, my father's college roommate, and people I don't even know thanks to this blog being spread by emails and word of mouth. I have gotten two emails from a Norbertine Priest , Fr. Hugh Barbour, that saw the calls for prayers from Matthew Lickona's blog, and has promised the prayers of his community in California.

Cathy's mom and sister spent the day at the hopsital before driving back to Greenville, SC later in the afternoon, and my Mom and Dad spent most of the day and evening with me too. My Uncle, Jim, who, with my Aunt Giulia, have both worked at Emory for about 40 years each, was kind enough to sit with us a lot too and hook me up with a lot of people who kept an eye on Cathy.

Our home, which is usually bustling with activity and the banshee screams, crying, light-sabre battles, and questions of little ones is now as quiet as a monastery. The toys that I always complain about tripping over are all put away, and everything is clean and in it's place.The only sounds (other than the voices in my head) are the clicking of the Basset Hound's toenails on our wood floors.
This is no way for a father and husband to live, and please God, I won't have to endure this for too long!

Not Resting (Un)Comfortably

Me, that is, Cathy's got all the good drugs!

We arrived at 5:49 AM, and Cathy was on the recovery floor in the ICU around noon.
None of the recovery developments could be classified as unusual, but they were a tad more than "expected."

But the surgery went well, and there were a few, minor details that kept the recovery from being perfect, but at the end of the day, my wife was able to tell me she loved me with her eyes mostly open, and a bionic aortic valve.


I'll take it...

Here we go...

You know that feeling of serenity when your faith stils your fears, and you know that everything is going to be ok?
Me neither...

However, I did some more online research, and was comforted in knowing that the surgery is performed with greatest technological tools available.

I'll let you know how it goes.

Ora pro nobis (pray for us)

12 Years Ago, today...

We had no real idea what we'd be in for on a blustery November afternoon twelve years ago.
Now, twelve years later, we still don't, but we wouldn't have it any other way!

ONE COOL FRIDAY NIGHT

This past Friday, I pulled off an amazing feat of deception and an opportunity for grace.
I managed to gather about 20 families together in our home for a Mass of healing for Cathy.

She never saw it coming!

I had a friend invite her over for dinner while everyone showed up at our house, and then when Cathy came home at 7:30, she walked downstairs into a room full of family and friends.
Fr. Neil Herlihy, from St Thomas More, celebrated Mass, and annointed Cathy after the Liturgy of the Word.
After Mass, we had beer, wine, and cookies and snacks.

Cathy, other than being uncomfortable as the center of attention, which she hates, was really touched by everyone's presence and love.

I'll say, for the record, that I would have like to have invited MANY more people, but the space just wouldn't hold everyone. Even if just my whole family, almost all of which live here in Atlanta, had been invited, we would have had more than 50 people.
What I tried to do was invite representatives from our church, our friends, and our family, so you were represented, even if you did not know about it.
So, if you were not invited, please do not take offense, you were certainly in our hearts, it's just that your bodies would not have fit into our downstairs.

I also figured that the fewer people who knew about it preserved the intended surprise aspect, and that worked, and she had no clue what was going on.

It was a very special evening, and now that we are within 24 hours of going to the hospital, Cathy and I will be strengthened by the memories of that night in the next 24 hours, and in the many hours beyond.

The picture is an old one of Jude from the beach in 2003.
He's one hep cat!

Pre-Op Visit Yesterday

Cathy had her final, pre-op visit yesterday at Emory.

We got all of our instructions for the surgery. She has to wash with special soap and use special mouthwash, and nose drops and stuff for the next few days until the surgery.
We are scheduled to arrive at the hospital at 6:00 AM Monday, and she is the first one up on the table

We learned about all of the options (pig valves versus mechanical valves, she chose mechanical), and how long the procedure shoudl take.
The doctors are not sure if they will need to repair or replace the mitral valve also. It doesn't seem to be working too well, bu they are not sure if its performance isn't just being hampered by all of the leakage from the aortic valve.
It could take as long as six hours...and they expect her to be in ICU for 2 days after that.
Then they said she might be checking out one week later, so it certainly looks like she'll be home for Thanksgiving, and possibly several days before.

Can I Tell This from This?

A fantastic Catholic writer, Matthew Lickona, wrote a book titled Swimming With Scapulars, has a blog that I check out every day. He is a great wordsmith, and he is tapped into the pop-culture enough to make quite insightful and witty observations
I emailed him earlier this week, and asked if he could send out a plug for my blog on his, since his blog is exceptionally hip, cool, respected, and well done, and he graciously agreed.
Matthew's response:



Chris,
Absolutely. Happy to help however I can. Thanks for your kind words, and I hope to heaven that your wife comes through the surgery without trouble. The wife and I will hit 12 years together in May, and I can't even begin to think of how anxious I would be in your place. It's times like this that you're glad that it's possible to pray on behalf of others. Persevere.
matthew

I have been trying all morning to figure out how to post a copy what he posted here, but have so far, been unable to figure it out, hence the title of this post!

So, please go to Matthews blog www.matthewlickona.com/blog/blog.html and see how generous he was with his post, and leave him a comment thanking him for getting a lot more people on the prayer train with us.

Copy and paste this link into your address bar to see it.
http://www.matthewlickona.com/blog/blog.html

And read his book, Swimming With Scapulars for a great account of growing up and staying Catholic.


I'll post another, more informative report on our pre-op meeting soon.

This is gonna get the job done

REALLY???

It looks like a piece from Jude's Lego set...

We have the final pre-op visit today, and then our lives resemble Cape Canaveral before a shuttle launch...

Ora Pro Nobis!

Horizontal Hooray!

Lucy, 21 months old, is showing her satisfaction with the effect that everyone calling, send emails, and flowers and stuff has had on her mom...and defying gravity in the process.


Cathy and I have been amazed, humbled, and edified by the responses that we have gotten from so many people in the last few days.
We have been assured the prayers of friends, families, priests, cloistered Carmelite nuns, and even a Synagouge in Atlanta (where I worked security for about ten years and made a lot of friends.)

Please keep them coming, because if Lucy senses that her mommy's spirits start flagging, she's likely to USE those fists against those she sees as a threat!

She has a tremendous right!

Cathy's email is cathyharveymom@bellsouth.net

This is us now (actually in June 2007)

I didn't realize, although I should have, that sending out 100+ emails puts one back in touch with folks that have been lost in time.
Some are surprised that the last they heard I was planning on being a priest, and now I have four kids.
These people are always second (behind me) in the surprise line.
This picture was taken on the steps of our family beach house on The Isle of Palms, near Charleston, SC. It is also the site of the first official date I had with Cathy in July 1992.
All the kids are about 3 inches taller than they are in the picture, but, fortunately for them, they inherited their mother's good nature. Unfortunately for them, they inherited their father's looks.
It'll be a toss-up to see how they go, but I'm betting, and hoping, on their mom's strengths!

Tuesday

I just mananged to send out a bunch of emails letting everyone (or as many people as I could think of) about this blog.

Some things that have already been taken care of, so far:
1. The kids are staying together while Cathy's in the hospital with the Jones Family;
2. Cathy's mom and sister will be coming to Atlanta from Greenville on Monday for the surgery, and will return either later that week or the weekend after to get the kids home;
3. Olive, the Basset Hound, will be walked by a cadre of good neighbors;
4. Meals will be delivered to the Jones' house while Cathy is in the hospital (there's a website for meal assistance at
http://freecal.brownbearsw.com/cathyharvey
if you are interested in sending food;


The cleaners came yesterday, and are house is sparkling clean. Thanks Mom and Dad!

Please continue to pray for us.

One week away

It's hard to believe that in one week at this time (it's 5:00 AM as I write this) we will be up scurrying about in the darkness, getting the kids up and ready for school, and then getting to the hospital for the operation.
We have our pre-operation meeting with the surgeon this coming Friday, so we will get more details then (such as how long the procedure will take, how long will it be afterwards until Cathy joins us back in the world of the conscious, and when she might first be able to eat a real meal, which she wants to be a #2 sandwich (with the house sauce instead of mayonaise) from "Dave's Cosmic Subs," conveniently located about half a mile away, just off the Emory Campus.

--A WARNING--
Reading this blog will likely subject you to Chris' (her husband's) musings and random thoughts on lots of different topics. I assure you, however, that nobody will made as uncomfortable as will I. I have guarded my emotions and pride zealously for 40 years. In the last few weeks, they have been reduced to rubble.


I believe, or at least try to believe, that this is one of those rare, life-changing experiences, for which one actually gets some time to prepare. Sometimes the press of emergency makes things easier because one has no choice, but then you miss the "teachable moment." We try to find the moments, but it's often easier to rearrange furniture and sort clothes.

That is how so many of us live our daily lives. We move forward, keeping our heads down, hunker down when we hear incoming fire, and then spring up again when there is a lull to move forward. Of course, ambushes happen, and one must do whatever necessary to survive.


Most readers of this blog are probably associated with our communities of St. Thomas More Church and Decatur Presbyterian School/Church. Everyone else should know that these two communities have been immeasurably generous to us since before Lucy's birth, which was almost two years ago.

So many people have offered their help, and so many are waiting to be called. Please know that we will be asking for specific help as the situation develops. The real juggling will begin when Cathy comes home from the hospital.

As far as the kids go, (Saint) Kathleen Jones and her family have offered, nay, demanded, to keep all four of our kids while Cathy is in the hospital. The Jones' have been there for our children since Cathy's first hospitalization, and their generosity and love and service is the kind of which Jesus spoke. We will never be able to thank them enough, except in duplicating their generosity sometime to others is similar circumstances.

So, check in often, I'll try to temper my philosophical ramblings with actual facts about what's going on.
Today, for example, we are having professional cleaners come to the house to give it a good cleaning, courtesy of my parents. I would have done it myself, but I don't want to lose my "amatuer cleaner" status.

Please, please pray for us.
Chris H.

First Post

This will be the information hub for anyone interested in keeping up with the wildness of Cathy getting a new aortic valve installed.
Did I mention that we're finishing some renovations in our house, and Thanksgiving and Christmas are around the corner.
Oh yeah, we have four kids, the oldest of which is ten.
Enjoy!